9. Edo

Edo thought it was disgusting. Now, hang on a minute, he didn’t have a problem with that kind of lifestyle in theory, but did they really have to go around flaunting it the way they were?

Nick and Luke had been staring into each other’s eyes, kissing in that intimate way that only people who love each other truly can and generally being all PDA and close and freakishly adorable all afternoon.

Couples. Blech.

Tash walked up to him and demanded a drink.

“If I have to watch the two of them mash faces I will want to be smashed myself.”

“White Russian?”

“Unless you can think of something else, yes.”

“’Love Hate’ is really strong,” he said, grabbing a glass and getting started, “but it conveys the right sentiment.”

“It’s not that I don’t love Luke or want them to be happy,” she said, sitting down at the bar, “but do they have to bloody parade their couple-y-ness?”

“I know what you mean.”
“it’s like, congratulations, yes, you’ve found someone who loves you – although I doubt they’ve said that out loud yet – good for you, but the rest of us are still looking for someone who will last more than a date, you know?”

Edo had seen Tash and Eva making eyes at each other at Nick’s birthday party, but wasn’t sure he should say anything.

“I know.”

Tash pulled a face, “It’s just so very in your face.”

Edo handed her the drink, “Love Hate.”

“Thanks,” she took a sip then shuddered at the alcohol content, “Yeah, ok, that’s exactly what I needed.”

Mitch came over, slammed his pint glass down and affirmed, “Barman! Another.”

“Getting to you too, are they?”

“It’s like they’re discovering kissing and holding hands for the first time – it’s all new and exciting and wonderful and they make me want to puke rainbow-coloured kittens.”

Tash shook her head, “Couples!”

“I wonder how long it will take them to realise that we moved to the bar?” Mitch asked.

Edo poured himself a finger of whiskey, “I will drink to that.”
Twenty minutes later, Nick and Luke joined them at the bar, looking sheepish.

They went back to their table after ordering a plate of chips to share from Sam, the bartender and owner of the Old Boot.

Edo smiled at Sam’s raised eyebrow.

“Please?”

“Extra shift tomorrow,” said Sam, taking the tea towel from Edo’s shoulder, “Come in for 8.”

“In the morning?” Edo’s indignant cry melted into an embarrassed, “8 am, tomorrow morning. Thank you, Sam, for the opportunity you’re affording me by keeping me in a job.”

Sam’s grunt was somewhere between  ‘you’re welcome, tosser’, ‘I don’t know why I keep you around’ and ‘go and talk with your friends, you nut’. Edo had become really good at decoding Sam’s various noises. His boss was just older than Edo himself, quiet, with shaggy hair and was the shyest barman to ever tend bar. He wanted to be the sort of bartender that people told their worries to, that the regulars knew by name and greeted with a smile and a handshake, but was just not the talkative type.

Sam and his brother Mark had bought The Old Boot and restored it together. It was cool, Edo thought. The locals, like Jim who-used-to-work-down-the-docks, said that they had tried really hard to keep the same old atmosphere whilst turning it from a run-down “pile of rubble with taps” into this “without selling their souls to Wetherspoons”.

They were both cool people, but Sam’s a bit – Edo didn’t know how to describe it. Quiet would just have to do as an adjective.

Luke had started asking about the girl Mitch had been seeing.

Mitch shrugged, “She’s great, and great in bed – like, scratches on my back, bruises on my hips, stupid grin good – but I don’t think we’re right for each other.”

“Man,” said Edo, flopping into a chair, “I don’t get it. What more do you want?”

Tash gave him a weak punch as she slipped into the booth, opposite Nick, “How about a real relationship?”

“No way,” Edo shook his head, “Not for me.”

“Since you seem so keen on it,” said Nick, folding himself back into the booth, pulling Luke next to him, “Tell me this: how does this sex with chicks thing work anyway?” Nick asked.
Edo exchanged grins with Mitch. Excellent.

“Luke,” prompted Mitch, “Why don't you answer that question for us?”

Luke slid his head into his hands, “Because I value my sex life and also, no. There is no way I'm describing it.”

Sam arrived with their plate of chips and everyone went quiet. His grunt meant he knew they were talking about things he wouldn’t want his other customers to listen to, but he liked them enough to ignore it.

Tash took a chip and poked it at Nick, “It depends. Do you mean how does it feel for the guy or the girl?”

Edo raised an eyebrow at her. Well, well, well.

“What?” she asked, “I may not have ever had sex with a man, but there are some very realistic sex toys out there. One of my exes was bi and her favourite toy was modelled on a specific man's penis.”

Luke groaned into his palms, “That is more information than I ever wanted to know.”

“Then you can leave,” said Edo, waving him away and grinning at Tash, “but why don't you share more details with the rest of the class?”

Nick shook his head, taking a chip from the plate, “You know, Edo, I still don’t see how you’re mentally old enough to be allowed to serve alcohol.”

Edo leaned in close as though he were sharing a secret, “It’s all in the act. Observe, chaval – I am cunningly disguised as a responsible adult.”